Counting my many BLESSINGS

I feel that I  we have been very blessed this week.  My dad made it through a very high risk surgery on his heart and is now at home recovering.  He was in the hospital for 11 days undergoing some sort of testing every day including frequent dialysis.  He made it home though and that is a Blessing!  His kidneys no longer function and so he has to go to dialysis 3 times a week for 4+ hours.  He has had cardiac problems and diabetes for several years now but added to that is his renal failure now; so you can't even imagine the diet he has to be on.  It's crazy!  But we are blessed.  We were planning for a funeral so to have him home and have a little more time with him is truly a BLESSING!!

I have been in Utah for 10 days now and will be here a few more days. We are helping mom care for my dad, and getting other important things in order.  We  my brother, sister and brother-in-law are completely gutting mom and dad's bathroom and redoing/updating it to be more "disabled" friendly.  Tile floors, tile shower, new paint and bars installed so dad can balance himself while showering.  When it is finished it will be the best room of the whole house!   I am so thankful that I have been able to be here for so long spending the time with my dad and with my family!  To not have been able to be here these past few days would have killed me.  This is another BLESSING!!

And since I have been here in Utah I got to spend some quality time with my son.  He was able to come up to Salt Lake and be with me and the family for a few days; and when I took him home I was able to spend an evening with my daughter.  That was really a BLESSING!!

Another blessing is that I found a school that offers the degree program I want, sent them my transcripts and learned they will accept ALL OF MY CREDITS plus give me an ADDITIONAL 9 credits because of the types of classes I have completed.  This means that I have already taken all of the prerequisites and can jump right into the core classes.  I am so happy about this!  So ya this is most definitely a BLESSING!  I will graduate from CTU on April 14th and then begin the bachelor's program at Kaplan University on April 19th.  I am still a little sad that I won't be able to continue at CTU because I really loved it there and am leery to go somewhere new and unfamiliar.  Who knows though, maybe it will be an even better experience.

The final blessing I will share with you is the blessing of having a terrific husband who loves me and supports me in all I do. He works very hard to provide a good living for our family and takes care of so many things just because he wants to make me happy.  I am truly BLESSED!  I have missed him so much!

Of course there are many more blessings that I have received that I have not shared with you, but that doesn't mean I don't recognize them or that they don't matter.  I am very grateful for all of my blessings especially for a loving Heavenly Father who has watched over me and my family in our time of need.  

I really am a Blessed woman!

God Loves Me!

Everyday I see evidence of God's love for me in my life.  I am a blessed woman!

The most recent blessing is regarding our move.  It is a blessing that we already had plans to move to Texas, because we found out two days ago that Dear Hubby's job is being eliminated here in Bozeman.  This just confirms to me again that our moving to Texas is what we are supposed to be doing.

God must really want us there soon, because now we are needing to make the move much more quickly than originally planned.

We have recently been told that we need to gather and strengthen our families for what lies ahead.  I really believe that is why it is so urgent for us to be near family.

We are packing packing packing so that we will be ready when his job on the other end gives us a date they need him to start.  We expect we will be moving sometime in September.  That means there is only a few more weeks to enjoy our Beautiful Montana!

So... Yes, I believe it was a blessing to have already prepared to make the move.  And that is why I know that God Loves Me!

I am a Mormon! To learn more about my belief's go here.

There is sorrow in our hearts today.....

At our house, we have been struggling with some situations that have left us mourning the loss of an unborn baby. 
A few weeks ago, I shared with you all the news that I was going to be another grandma, that my stepson and his wife (who were living with us) were expecting a baby in May. 

Since that time, "his wife" decided that she did not want to be married anymore and just up and left one day, traveling back to Indiana to be with her family and ex-boyfriend(s).  We really didn't understand this and begged her to stay and to come back.  Lots of lies were brought to light that left Kyle and us just plain shocked.  This was difficult enough.

But then she had to throw something even bigger into the fire.  She decided that she didn't want the baby.  She also decided that she didn't want Kyle to have it either.  Instead she made the decision to have an abortion.  She was 16 weeks pregnant!  No amount of begging, pleading, trying to make her understand that what she would be doing was just plain murder, nothing we could say or do would change her mind. 

Yesterday her family drove her to Chicago (the only place that will do late term abortions) and she had
the baby aborted.  We are all really sad and do not understand why anyone would do such a thing especially when that baby was wanted by the father and by grandparents.  Unfortunately, father's don't have any rights to unborn children. 

We are in mourning over the loss of this precious baby that had fingers and toes and heartbeat.  The only thing that is getting us through is our faith in knowing that this child is in Gods hands and that we will see this baby someday. 

I am also very thankful and happy that it is Christmas time.  Where the spirit of Christmas can enter our home and help to heal our hearts. 

This, That and the Other?

This....

I think today I just need to get a few things off my chest.  Things that are overwhelming me, depressing me, worry me, as well as things that are good and bring me joy.

Today I was reading a post written by one of my bloggy friends, Mindy, who blogs at "Ponderings of the Heart", about "Soul Clutter".  It's an excellent post and I would recommend that you hop on over there and read it for yourself.  The definition of soul clutter in this post is being described as "the collection of emotional, relational, and spiritual issues that we have been stepping over."  And it got me thinking that I do have a lot of "soul clutter" that I need to start dealing with and stop stepping over in hopes they will just go away.  That being said, I think I will take this into consideration and begin decluttering my soul.  I have had so much emotional baggage this past year that I think if I could just confront some of these issues I would probably feel a lot better about myself and definately my load would be a lot lighter.  But confronting some of these things is rather scary and confusing and I don't even know where to start. 

That......

I teach the 14-15 year old Sunday School class at my church.  And while I enjoy teaching this class, it also scares me.  We are teaching from the Old Testament this year and I have always struggled understanding the scriptures.  I feel like some of these kids probably know more than I do.  And trying to find ways to teach the lesson on their level and to keep it interesting for them is sometimes really hard for me to do.  I know that being asked to accept this calling and teaching this class is more for my own benefit. I have prayed for help in understanding these scriptures better and I know that having to teach these lessons will help me to do just that.  So while this worries me greatly every week, I am also very grateful for what I am learning.  I just hope these kids will learn something from me too. 

Can I just say that I hate PMS?  Maybe thats why I have been feeling so down this week.  Maybe I shouldn't even be writing this post while I am going through this hormonal week.  I hate all the normal symtoms of moodiness, headaches, and things of that nature.  But I also have PCOS (polycistic ovarian syndrome) which causes all kinds of bad stuff especially cramps.  These cramps are the worst and often times puts me right down in a fetal position.  I get so frustrated with doctors who just want to treat my sympoms with birth control pills when all I want is to have all my female stuff removed!  They have served me no purpose except to cause me much grief each month.  Both of my kids are adopted because I have never been able to conceive.  So tell me what good is all that miserable equipment inside of me?  Just to make me miserable I guess! Enough said on that subject.  (You're probably breathing a sigh of relief!)

So the past few weeks I have spent many hours every day searching and applying for jobs.  The job market here is very competitive with many many applicants.  In fact there is a new hotel in town who was hiring for several positions which they listed in the paper and mentioned you could either apply on line or attend the job fair they would be having at end of this month.  I put my application in for a couple positions and then I read in the paper the following week that "due to the overwhelming response all job openings are closed and the job fair is cancelled."  It also said do not contact them, that if they are interested in interviewing you they would do the contacting.  That's how most job openings are like.  You really have to be on top of the game and stand out in order to get any kind of call back.  This has been very frustrating to me.  There are a couple jobs that have opened this week for which I have applied for and I am very excited about.  I am hoping I will at least get an interview. 

One of the greatest blessings in my life and also one of the most worrisome is my kids.  I love them so much, but I am so worried about them.  They are currently living with their dad while they are attending high school.  This was their wish even though I had many reservations about it.  But I was moving out of the state and did not want to disrupt their schooling, friends, or their happiness in the community where they live.  And because it was their wish I really didn't have any legal say in it.  All I asked for was that they continue to attend church, and maintain good school grades. Needless to say, their grades have slipped to an all time low and they do not go to church, and my son has gotten into a bit of trouble with friends.  In confronting the Ex husband about their grades I ask that as long as their grades are lower than a C average that all extra-curricular activities be stopped, that skateboards and phones be taken away.  He just says that he tries to motivate but won't be the bad guy.  So my kids can basically do whatever they want, get into whatever trouble they get in, and their dad won't be a parent that may have to put his foot down. Instead he is more worried about being "liked".  I don't mean to do any EX bashing but this is so frustrating to me.  It is causing me great stress and anxiety and I feel helpless.  I just don't know what to do! 

I just realized I don't even have a 2010 Calendar yet.  And so far I am late on birthdays for this month.  I have felt so disorganized and discombobulated lately that I really do need to get myself together.

I really think that I have lost myself.  After spending 15 years of being a mom to my kids and being actively involved in their activities, and then suddenly having to move so far away, and not having them part of my every day life; I truly feel lost.  It's like I have lost my identity or something.  Having to leave my job, my home, my family and moving so far away has been difficult to get used to. Making new friends and finding a place where I fit in has been hard.  Don't get me wrong, I like living here, I have enjoyed meeting new people, I love my husband's job, and the time we get to spend together and having the opportunity to explore all the sites around here.  It's just been hard to decide which direction to go and what to do with myself in this new life.  I know it will just take some time.  It's still gets me down though. 

Which brings me to this...

I think the doldrums of winter has set in. I am experiencing S.A.D. (seasonal affective disorder).  I need the sun! I need to get my lazy butt outdoors and walk but its been so cold that I don't want to most days. I have gained a lot of the weight I lost 2 years ago back and that adds to my frustration and depression. I know what I need to do, but just getting started back up is so hard. Why is that? I guess it's lack of motivation! I definately need to find my motivation and soon!  The warmer, sunnier weather that brings the first hint of spring can't come soon enough. 

The Other.....and on a more positive note....

I made the best sandwiches the other day.  I got the idea from my friend, Rae's blog, who got the recipe from The Pioneer Woman.  It is called the Marlboro Mans Favorite Sandwich and you can go here to get the recipe.  I added green pepper and mushrooms to mine and broiled some swiss cheese on it before serving.  And boy it was so yummy!  My mouth is watering right now for more!  You have got to try it, the men in your family will love you! 

We are trying to fit in a few trips this year.  We would like to go to Arizona and see our beautiful grandkids and we would like to go to Texas to visit my in-laws and my sister.  We also want to go to Utah for the Highland Games in June and I also have my 25 Year Class Reunion in August.  Did I just say 25 years?  OMG!  I'm getting old!    I don't know how or if we will be able to fit it all in, but it gives me something to plan on and look forward to.

Here is a thought that keeps coming to mind as I have been writing this post. 

I really need to be more grateful for all the blessings in my life.  Because I am very blessed.  I have a wonderful husband who loves and adores me; I have wonderfully, smart, talented and beautiful children and stepchildren; I have 4 precious grandchildren; I have a loving and supportive extended family; I have a nice home to live in; and my husband's job provides for all the things we need; and above all I have my faith and testimony that God lives, that Jesus Christ is my savior who died for me so that I will someday be able to live with him once more.  With these blessings I have everything.  What more do I need? 

I think this also means I need to stop being so hard  on myself.  I need to be grateful for who I am, what I do accomplish, and just be happy and enjoy life.  I think this is how I begin to get rid of that soul clutter. 

THE TOP TEN REASONS WHY I ENJOYED CONFERENCE WEEKEND

10. Watching it on BYU channel in the comfort of my own home.

 9.  Staying in PJ's until afternoon session on both Saturday and Sunday.

 8.  Several rows crocheted on the aphgan I am making.

 7.  Me, Bill, and our dogs piled on the couch in front of the TV.

 6.  Yummy pork roast cooking in the slow cooker all day Sunday.

 5.  Listening to the music being sung by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir.

 4.  The spirit that was in our home.

 3.  The spirit that burned inside of me bearing witness to the truthfulness of what was being said.

 2.  Pres. Uchdorf's talk on Saturday, in particular these parts..... "Love is the healing balm that repairs rifts in personal and family relationships. It is the bond that unites families, communities and nations. Love is the power that initiates friendship, tolerance, civility and respect. It is the source that overcomes divisiveness and hate. Love is the fire that warms our lives with unparalleled joy and divine hope. Love should be our walk and our talk." 

President Uchtdorf said he believes God does not care if people are wealthy, handsome or famous. "Though we are incomplete, God loves us completely," he said. "Though we are imperfect, He loves us perfectly. Though we may feel lost and without compass, God's love encompasses us completely. "God's love is so great that He loves even the proud, the selfish, the arrogant and the wicked."  That means there is hope, no matter one's current state, he said.

AND THE #1 REASON.....

 1.  I got to see and hear a true and living Prophet of God speak to me directly.  What a wonderful man President Thomas S. Monson is.  What a beautiful spirit he has.  I loved the part where he told about receiving the jar of warm fuzzies from some primary children and what he said....."I don't even know what a warm fuzzy is!"  And for being asked, "What have you done for someone today?"  And reminded to get out there and find ways to serve others. 
 

 
What did you enjoy about the weekend and about conference?