Friday, August 14, 2009

Feelings of Nostalgia

As we are getting closer and closer to our moving date, I am overcome with so many emotions. I am moving several hundred miles away from my home town, the place where I grew up, the place that holds so many fond memories. It's not just a hop, skip and a jump to come home. As I start to ponder this, I get a homesick feeling inside of me. But how can that be when I haven't even left yet?

Well it's like this....

I start thinking about my sweet, beautiful nieces who range from 1 to 15 and how much I will miss them and being part of their every day lives and watching them grow up. I will miss birthdays and other special moments in their lives and it truly makes me feel "homesick".

I think of my Grandma, who is getting on in years. There is the possibility that I may never see her again. I am so glad I was able to spend a little bit of time with her the other day when she was in Salt Lake. She is such a wonderful person and an example of a woman of strength. I wonder when or if I will see her again, and then I get all choked up because I have wanted to spend so much more time with her than I have these past few years. I already miss her so much.

Most of my immediate family members live near me here in West Valley City. My parents live a couple blocks away and are in the same ward as I am. My sister and her family live in West Jordan. My little brother and his family live in Kearns. I have another Brother that lives in Delta and a sister that lives in Texas. So for the most part we have been pretty close. Close enough that we would always get together for special occasions or just because. These have always been fun times. I have enjoyed these times so much and I will miss being part of all the activities my family will be having in the future. I know there have been some hard feelings between us all most recently, and I hope that with time and distance we can start to mend our hurt hearts so that we can be a close family like we always have been. Even if I haven't always shown it, I do love you all so much!!!

One of the most emotional and difficult feelings I have been having is that I am leaving my kids behind. They have both chosen to move back to Cedar City and live with their dad. They love living there and have many friends and I am truly happy for them. However, it is not easy for me as their mother to move so far away. To not be part of their every day lives is going to be very difficult. What will I do without Football, Baseball, Dance, Softball, Orchestra, Band, School Plays, etc??? I really don't know what I will do. I just want my kids to know that I love them with all my heart and I want them to be happy. I will miss them beyond description and I will be counting days, hours and minutes until I can see them again.

I am currently living not only in my home town, but in my "home" ward. This ward has always been so welcoming and truly makes anyone feel at home. I look around at the people in Sacrament Meeting and I know almost everyone. They are parents of my friends, or teachers that have taught me in Primary or Young Women's. They are my neighbors, my friends, and most importantly, they are "Family" to me. And they are also getting on in years. There will be many of these wonderful people that I may never see again and that is what makes this move the most difficult.

I have so many wonderful friends that I am so greatful and blessed to have in my life. You have always been there for me when I needed you. Thank You for your listening ears and your eagerness to help me out when I've needed someone. And even though we might not always have opportunities to spend time with each other, I know you are just a phone call away. I will miss you all so much and hope that you will come and visit me while on your next Yellowstone vacations!!

When we moved into the home we live in, and into this area, we did so thinking we would be living here for the rest of our lives. I guess God has a different plan for us. For some reason we must be needed in Montana. So even though I am having such an emotional time with feelings of nostalgia and saying goodbye to all that I know and all thats comfortable, I am also looking forward to new experiences and a start of a new life.


Anonymous said...

I know that this is going to be really hard on you. I'm feeling so sad also because we will miss you at family gatherings and special events. Having both you and Valerie so far away just hurts so badly. I know that there must be something important for both of you in Montana, but not having you around close will make it so lonely here for us. I've cried so many tears already and I'm not looking forward to this next week. I do hope that the hurt feelings will soon be mended because families are so very important to me. I know that the trials that we are going through will make us stronger, and hopefully we ALL learn some very important lessons from them. I do hope that you know how very much we love you and truly will miss you. May the Lord bless you and I hope that you will be strong and not get TOO homesick. Remember, we are always here for you.

Anonymous said...

Oh, the Anon before was me, but I'm sure you figured that out. Love Ya, MOM