Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Self Image, Self Esteem, Self Confidence.... Am I adequate?


I am mostly an upbeat, happy and positive person.  I have experienced many times in life where I have had such a good positive outlook on my life and how I felt about myself that I felt wonderful and that I could conquer anything.   

However, the majority of my life I have dealt with a poor self image and feelings of inadequacy, which affects my self esteem and self confidence.  Haven't we all felt these feelings at one time or another?

I have dealt with many harsh and difficult times in my life that have affected the way I see and feel about myself.  These are some examples of times when I have felt the lowest of lows.
  • Years of Mental and Verbal Abuse and manipulation from my husband of 20+ years.
  • Finding out my husband had a lengthy affair with my best friend and many other indiscretions.
  • Depression - Wanting to die.
  • Getting divorced.
  • Starting Over
  • Losing close life-long friendships.
  • Having my kids choose to live with their dad.  Where there is no structure, no rules and too many freedoms. 
  • Having the people closest to me who are supposed to be there and support me during these difficult situations, choose to listen to the lies of a manipulative teenager who is trying to get their way, rather than the truth from me (the Mom of that teenager), to interfere and ambush me in such a way that relationships within a family have been destroyed. 
  • Seeing my kids make really bad choices and suffering the consequences. 
  • Moving to another State, leaving all thats familiar behind. 
  • Making new friends.
  • Trying to find a job.
All of these trials and situations have played a huge impact on who I am and how I see myself.  I am in a constant battle with myself every single day.  This is my personal Goliath.  I know this is Satan's way of getting to me.  He is using my weakness and trying his hardest to wear me down so that he can destroy me. 

Deep inside I know this and I know all the things I need to do to help myself have a better self image and just plain feel better.  But sometimes its much easier said than actually doing, especially when you already don't feel great.  It's an awful vicious cycle.  And Satan is very wise and knows just what to do to prevent me from doing these things.

But I do have a couple secret weapons that continue to help me fight this battle.  I have been blessed with a wonderful husband who loves me unconditionally.  Who compliments me and tells me how great I am and how much he loves me many times every day.  He treats me like I have never been treated before.  He inspires me and he motivates me.  He has been my little gift from God.  He helps put the positive affirmations about myself into my mind so that gradually I am feeling more positive things than negative. 

I also have my faith in my Savior, Jesus Christ.  It's through his love and sacrifice for me, that I know I will conquer my Goliath.  All I have to do is ask, and he is there guiding me, loving me and helping me conquer this battle within myself.

What are your personal Goliath's?  How have you conquered your battles?  I would love to hear your perspectives and experiences if you care to share with me?


8 comments:

midRae said...

Sherri,

I ask that you please call me if you ever need to talk. The # is 590-4841. I am constantly reminded of the time we missed when we lived right across the street from each other. I wish I would have known and I wish I could have been there for you. Missed opportunities!

Love,
Rae

kate said...

Great post. I loved every minute of it except when you were saying that you don't feel good at times about someone that I totally adore. I too wish I lived closer and that I could be a help in your life. This post is all too much about me too. I too don't give myself enough credit and continually have to try and try. I KNOW you will conquer your Goliath and I am so glad that the Lord has given you the great tender mercies in your life at this time. Hang in there and know you are loved.

Garden of Egan said...

You have really been handed a huge load to handle. I'm so sorry.
I think you appear to have handled things incredibly well. Not many people could experience what you have and come out on top. And you have.
You see it for what it is. You know what really is.
You know Satan for what he is and what he tries to do. You know that you are stronger.

I imagine those feelings of self worth must be huge.
My prayers are with you that you will continue to heal.

cyberHUGS to you!

Mindy said...

Oh Man. To answer this question I would need WAY more room that this comment box offers.

I did start a new blog yesterday. I moved my blog to http://ladybugfamily.wordpress.com
and I post a very lengthy post there today about my battle with loneliness and shame and my self worth. It must the day for it!! LOL

And I DO go to Bozeman, often! I suspect we will go more often when Hubby is back home and school is out. I would LOVE to meet you for lunch or coffee sometime! That would be wonderful =)

Tiffany said...

I love you Sherrie!

LC said...

Honest posts like these make me feel more normal. Thanks. :) Oh if only we tried harder to see ourselves the delightful way we see our friends!

Traci said...

I just want you to know that I LOVED visiting with you the other day. I appreciate so much your kindness towards my boys and your carefree spirit. Thanks for sharing that part of you. You ARE conquering your Goliaths, we all have them, and some days they seem to do more of the conquering. I can understand some of your pain. I want you to know that you always have a friend in me. I feel blessed that we are friends. Keep smiling girlie, you are farther along than you feel. sure love ya!

Anonymous said...

Memories of life with an abusive spouse must be part of your life that never completely leaves you. Looking back on those years of my sister's life, is so painful for me that it puts me right there with her in lack of self worth. To know that she was in my life during those years and I did nothing -- none of us did. We suspected, asked, accepted the "I am OK" even when physical signs were there. We accepted and went our way -- until the next time, and the next time. What was it that I didn't understand or why did I not know how to do something to help her -- at least call him the bastard he was? He was sligh and could make you think it was your imagination run wild. It was "not my business" -- those words are my nightmare today. What a poor excuse for a sister. I am trying to make up for it now, but the scars from his mental and physical abuse are so deep..we cry together often -- her for the pain, me for not being self endulging and not mature enough to realize there are really bad people out there mistreating young women who are embarrassed to let their family know. - D Ann