Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Teenage concerns or lack of parenting?

Most of the time I only write posts that are positive. But since this is a way that I can also journalize my life, I decided that I have to write and post the bad along with the good. So this isn't one on the lighter side.

Most of you know that my son Jessie is living with his Dad, my ex-husband, in Cedar City. He has been since July against my wishes and better judgement. But I had no choice. I was told it was in "his best interest" that he live in Cedar City with his dad. It has been really tough on me.

Now I don't intend this to be in any way "Ex bashing", but you must get an idea of what I am talking about in order to understand my concerns. You see, my ex-husband does not have the same value system that I have and the same value system that I have raised our kids to have. His parenting skills are totally opposite of mine. This is extremely difficult especially since Jessie has been getting into a lot of trouble lately.

My dear sweet boy is not the same boy he was when he lived under my roof. Since he has lived with his dad he has stopped attending church, scouts, and young mens. He is failing most of his classes. He has had in-school suspensions. He has gotten himself involved with the "Skater" crowd and, therefore, dresses as such. From skinny jeans that are tight in the legs but still hang down below his rear end, to long hair, and now to ear piercings. None of this I approve of. And this doesn't even count the disrespectful attitude he has towards me, Shellise and other family members when he is visiting.

Now this may all be about him being a teenager and trying to fit in with the crowd. But I feel he is lacking structure and discipline, and of course mothering. His dad's way of disciplining is by "having a talk with him". There are no consequences for his actions. His dad does not see that there is a problem. So while it may be a teenage thing, I see it as also being lack of parenting.

I do not see that it has been "in his best interest" to live with his Dad in Cedar City. But Jessie refuses to come back and live with me. And to get this reversed, I will have to take it through the court system.

Needless to say, I am heartbroken. I feel it is totally out of my control. That I am being forced to watch my son make choices that will lead him down a path that will not end up being very happy for any of us in the future. I worry about him constantly. It hurts so much to see how much he has changed in a short amount of time.

I don't know what to do. I hate the position that I am in. Do I continue to let things be as they are and hope for the best, or do I take this back through the court system and fight him, and his Dad, and force him to come back?

If any of you have any advice or suggestions, I would appreciate hearing from you.


Lara said...

The only advice I can come up with is to pray. Hard. And fast. Some things we just don't get answers for otherwise. If you feel you have to take it through the courts, maybe you could try mediation first? I feel for you. My brother's ex-wife is very difficult and he is going to have to take her to court over visitation (she keeps the kids from him as much as she can) and it has done a number on him.s

Kate said...

I am SO sorry, I know how this must be on you because I know how much you love your kids. I also know if you force him to come back it will probably be even worse. He will hate it and you. I wish I had a solution. I guess you need to pray and see if you feel like going through the courts will help. Take advantage of the time you have him to show him how much love you have for him and how much you miss him, not that it will change anything. Good luck. I will be thinking and praying for you.

Lori said...

Sherrie I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. I would pray, pray, pray and you will then know what to do. Part of it is being a teen but most of it is the parenting. Kids need boundaries and it sounds like Jess has none. Know that I'll be thinking about you and please let me know what happens.

Valerie said...

I was very sad to hear that he pierced his ears. I don't know what to tell you to do other than to be there for him and love him. He's had a lot to deal with the past few years. Praying that things will get better for you!

Anonymous said...

Hi, I have come across your blog, and just wanted to inform you that i was in the "skater" crowd in high school. I dressed, acted, played the part. I turned out just fine :) I graduated college and I am working in my field.