Teenage concerns or lack of parenting?

Most of the time I only write posts that are positive. But since this is a way that I can also journalize my life, I decided that I have to write and post the bad along with the good. So this isn't one on the lighter side.

Most of you know that my son Jessie is living with his Dad, my ex-husband, in Cedar City. He has been since July against my wishes and better judgement. But I had no choice. I was told it was in "his best interest" that he live in Cedar City with his dad. It has been really tough on me.

Now I don't intend this to be in any way "Ex bashing", but you must get an idea of what I am talking about in order to understand my concerns. You see, my ex-husband does not have the same value system that I have and the same value system that I have raised our kids to have. His parenting skills are totally opposite of mine. This is extremely difficult especially since Jessie has been getting into a lot of trouble lately.

My dear sweet boy is not the same boy he was when he lived under my roof. Since he has lived with his dad he has stopped attending church, scouts, and young mens. He is failing most of his classes. He has had in-school suspensions. He has gotten himself involved with the "Skater" crowd and, therefore, dresses as such. From skinny jeans that are tight in the legs but still hang down below his rear end, to long hair, and now to ear piercings. None of this I approve of. And this doesn't even count the disrespectful attitude he has towards me, Shellise and other family members when he is visiting.

Now this may all be about him being a teenager and trying to fit in with the crowd. But I feel he is lacking structure and discipline, and of course mothering. His dad's way of disciplining is by "having a talk with him". There are no consequences for his actions. His dad does not see that there is a problem. So while it may be a teenage thing, I see it as also being lack of parenting.

I do not see that it has been "in his best interest" to live with his Dad in Cedar City. But Jessie refuses to come back and live with me. And to get this reversed, I will have to take it through the court system.

Needless to say, I am heartbroken. I feel it is totally out of my control. That I am being forced to watch my son make choices that will lead him down a path that will not end up being very happy for any of us in the future. I worry about him constantly. It hurts so much to see how much he has changed in a short amount of time.

I don't know what to do. I hate the position that I am in. Do I continue to let things be as they are and hope for the best, or do I take this back through the court system and fight him, and his Dad, and force him to come back?

If any of you have any advice or suggestions, I would appreciate hearing from you.